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how i found my soul sister

how i found my soul sister

“I have nothing in common with her” …was my first thought leaving our introductory lunch—a blind pairing for youth ministry by a church staff member. “The generation gap,” I thought, “is just the first barrier.”

The differences, at least to me, were significant. Her “covenant” childhood and private Christian school background were foreign to my early independence from a home less settled. At that time I had 15+ years work experience under my belt and 9 years of marriage while she was a relocated newlywed in town just long enough for her husband to complete a Residency program. And the end of my thirties were in sight while she sat opposite me—lovely!—and over a decade my junior. What was I to make of this? Could it even work?

What I can say now is sometimes you don’t recognize a sea of change. How could I have guessed the turns our lives would take to bring about one of the dearest friendships I’ve known? How could I know I was, at that moment, receiving a pearl of great price?

Over the next 13 years, this stranger and I were to grow closer situationally, spiritually, and maybe most significantly, emotionally. What she likes to call, “kindred spirits.” By God’s design, I was there to see her long-awaited son minutes after his birth, and to help paint his nursery when they moved away shortly thereafter. She was here to pray us through our first adoption and see me become an “at-home” mom (surprising even myself). Now with 5 kids between us, we’ve hardly missed a step even though our ministry together was brief and we’ve lived in different cities for more than a decade.
And after these years, the differences I first saw are still there: She is much more emotional than I am—a true romantic who prefers wholesome romance novels to my non-fiction. She prefers Christian music to my alternative and rock roots. And she, thankfully, was vulnerable enough to let me know our friendship was important to keep when I clearly had to be pursued. In many ways the friendship is a counterpoint, which Wikipedia defines as “the relationship between two or more voices that are independent in contour and rhythm and are harmonically interdependent; or, a melody added to an existing one, especially one added to provide harmony whilst each retains its simultaneous identity.”

My friend would say I’ve been there to guide her through things, since I am miles ahead of her in age. I would say that her beautiful life and youth have really begun to refresh me. My counterpoint is a friend who challenges me spiritually, prays with and for me, truly delights in our friendship, and is loyal to the bone. I aspire to do all those things for her, and look forward to walking through life and beyond with this lovely “soul sister” of mine.

I’d love to honor my friend with words, but words fail me. Instead, perhaps the full cup of our friendship can run over with some observations regarding friendships born of God, a kind of friendship that is truly a great gift in life. My wish and prayer for every woman is to find a special friend, or perhaps many, to come alongside you as you walk with the Lord. “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17

Points for Counterpoints
• If you have Jesus Christ, you have the most important thing in common.
• Do not rule people out—the Lord has divine purposes in mind as your life steps into that of another.
• When people pray together, the Lord knits them together.
• Working together­—particularly in ministry—yields memories, and natural friendships will occur.
• Do not wait to be pursued! Pursue someone today.